Just When You Think

Just when you think things are looking up, you find yourself looking down again. It's funny how that happens huh. So why am I not laughing? What I want to do is just the opposite. I want to just cry, cry, cry. And here is why. Our car's check engine light is on again after being repaired, (a pretty expensive repair) and out of the shop for exactly one week and a day. It was a miracle to actually be able to have it repaired because it was so expensive, and just thinking of the possibility of another costly repair on top of that, it seems impossible.   We'd been able to repair the car last week, thanks be to God and pay all of our bills except one new one. And I had begun to hope that things were on the way to getting better, the holidays were behind us and though we couldn't give everything we wanted to, we were able to give just enough and celebrate the true meaning of the season. It was a brand new year, a chance to begin anew, a clean slate of sorts. Things appeared to be settling down, then the car takes a break. We wonder how we would pay for its repair and God steps in and the money for the repair is there.  Praise be to God, for nothing is impossible with Him. But in my flesh, here I am again feeling the burden and load of another repair and wondering where is the funding for it coming from this time?   Feeling like, again? Really, again? And I want to just cry. It's just too much. We still have six girls to take care of and my husband would still like to go to school and I could go on and on. So I think I will. I think I will just cry out to Jesus, the one who loves my heart when its happy, glad, sad, mad, none of the above, and especially when it is broken. I will cry out to Jesus and tell him all my sorrows just as the old hymn instructs. I will tell him of my struggles and the struggles of my family. I will tell him of how worn down and weighed down I feel. You see over the last few months our family has and continues to experience financial struggles, though as I think about it, perhaps they are simply "growing pains". Though I do believe, that of all of our past financial struggles, this one is probably the worst. Over the years we have experienced various financial seasons, those of abundance and plenty and leaner times and through each of them we weathered them, we made it through. But this season seems to weigh more heavily upon us than any of the others. Perhaps it is all the uncertainty everywhere, all the time. Its on the news on TV, the radio, the internet, in conversations with family and friends, it is even at church. You have people depending on you and you certainly do not want to fail at caring for them or providing for them, so you have that added pressure. However, even through this difficulty, I have been able to learn more and experience life in a way that I had not known before. I am able to look past and beyond the physical things that surround us and the things of this world (those I have and those that I one day wish to have) to see that there is so much more to this life of mine than just things--what I have, what I want. Yes, I am able to see what I need. I am not just talking about tangible needs here like food, water, and shelter. I am talking about my need for my Savior and His love, grace, and mercy and to be filled with the Holy Spirit, so that I can truly experience and give love. So thank you Jesus for my "just when you think" seasons.

Faith in Family

One of my least favorite stages in parenting is potty training. Training a child to use the potty is difficult in and of itself, but couple it with a strong willed child and it can be (seem) nearly impossible. So that is where I am today facing a seemingly impossible task and feeling at various times that it is never ever going to happen as this has not been my only attempt to train this child. But today, I will do something different, I will embrace and rest in the truth of knowing that nothing and I mean nothing is impossible with God and that our Savior has told me over and over that his power is made perfect in my weakness. 

Beginning...

Have you ever had so many things on your plate that you didn't know which to tackle first? I imagine that everyone has been there or is there at one time or another. Or perhaps you are there right now just like me. There are so many things to get done and each of them are important or at least seems to be at the moment. I know that in order to get them all done I need to begin to prioritize them and tackle them in that order. Where I have gotten hung up or more accurately described, paralyzed, is that I've deemed several of the items as equally important and determined in my mind, even if wrongly so, that I cannnot begin one thing without completing the first, which is a problem because I have not given any of the tasks the coveted spot of first place. Ughhh!!! 

Tonight that changes. I will work on yearbook revisions and have them completed by Saturday. I will potty train our two year old starting today. This cannot wait any longer. Today is my last day cleaning up a non accidental pull up mishap because she has decided she does not want to be in her "warm squishiness".  I will also continue my work on me through the reading of Have a New You by Friday. I have made some interesting revelations about myself based upon what I have read so far. I have begun to think about how I would like for my life to be and the changes that need to occur so that I can have the life that I desire. What is that, you ask. It is a fulfilling life in all aspects~faith, family, personal projects, and one day a revived career.

So right now I bid farewell to my old "watching life passing me by" life and hello to my new "living every second" life.  

A New Year

Goodbye 2013. Hello 2014. We are looking forward to new beginnings and creating new memories this year. Seize the day!

This Christmas Morning...

Christmas has come and gone. Ever so quietly yet quickly it slipped in accompanied with the anxiety of last minute gift ideas and whether it was even necessary to work on those last minute ideas. However, this Christmas was certainly a bit different than those before. As is typical, the girls stayed up way past their bedtimes in anticipation of what the next day held. Midnight found them all still awake with the exception of A and E. So I was quite surprised when I woke up in a panic thinking I had missed the girls eyeing their packages from Santa and found each of them still fast asleep. In fact, the only one that was up and rushed downstairs was S. and she was the one to go back and wake up her sisters. Well, except for C. who protested the early rising and finally came down about 40-45 mins later protesting loudly. So the girls seemed happy and grateful for their gifts. Which was a big relief and a pleasant surprise as I was worried about whether they would be disappointed with the fewer gifts that they received. After opening gifts, we had our advent devotional which told of how Christ brought the light of the world into the world. And for me that was the most wonderful part of the day! 

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This Christmas...

This Christmas was different for me for many reasons. It wasn't filled with tons of shopping to complete long Christmas wish lists or being preoccupied with getting the perfect gift for everyone.  My budget this year pretty much dictated that the holiday season would not be spent that way. And although at first I was disappointed that I would not be able to give in the way that I usually did and worried that the kids and relatives would be disappointed, I realized along the way that this gave me a unique opportunity to truly focus on the true reason for this season, the birth of our Savior, our Prince, our Lord, our King. During this time, I can say that He was certainly Immanuel, because I felt him with me. I still do. Usually I feel a bit disappointed on Christmas Day because the anticipation of the season fades and I am no longer anticipating, but this year I did not feel that.  Thankfully, in its place was the feeling of being in the presence of God and that was the most wonderful gift that I could ever have asked for even though I did not ask for it, but I received anyway because of the amazing love of Christ.

The Reason...

Is...