Just When You Think

Just when you think things are looking up, you find yourself looking down again. It's funny how that happens huh. So why am I not laughing? What I want to do is just the opposite. I want to just cry, cry, cry. And here is why. Our car's check engine light is on again after being repaired, (a pretty expensive repair) and out of the shop for exactly one week and a day. It was a miracle to actually be able to have it repaired because it was so expensive, and just thinking of the possibility of another costly repair on top of that, it seems impossible.   We'd been able to repair the car last week, thanks be to God and pay all of our bills except one new one. And I had begun to hope that things were on the way to getting better, the holidays were behind us and though we couldn't give everything we wanted to, we were able to give just enough and celebrate the true meaning of the season. It was a brand new year, a chance to begin anew, a clean slate of sorts. Things appeared to be settling down, then the car takes a break. We wonder how we would pay for its repair and God steps in and the money for the repair is there.  Praise be to God, for nothing is impossible with Him. But in my flesh, here I am again feeling the burden and load of another repair and wondering where is the funding for it coming from this time?   Feeling like, again? Really, again? And I want to just cry. It's just too much. We still have six girls to take care of and my husband would still like to go to school and I could go on and on. So I think I will. I think I will just cry out to Jesus, the one who loves my heart when its happy, glad, sad, mad, none of the above, and especially when it is broken. I will cry out to Jesus and tell him all my sorrows just as the old hymn instructs. I will tell him of my struggles and the struggles of my family. I will tell him of how worn down and weighed down I feel. You see over the last few months our family has and continues to experience financial struggles, though as I think about it, perhaps they are simply "growing pains". Though I do believe, that of all of our past financial struggles, this one is probably the worst. Over the years we have experienced various financial seasons, those of abundance and plenty and leaner times and through each of them we weathered them, we made it through. But this season seems to weigh more heavily upon us than any of the others. Perhaps it is all the uncertainty everywhere, all the time. Its on the news on TV, the radio, the internet, in conversations with family and friends, it is even at church. You have people depending on you and you certainly do not want to fail at caring for them or providing for them, so you have that added pressure. However, even through this difficulty, I have been able to learn more and experience life in a way that I had not known before. I am able to look past and beyond the physical things that surround us and the things of this world (those I have and those that I one day wish to have) to see that there is so much more to this life of mine than just things--what I have, what I want. Yes, I am able to see what I need. I am not just talking about tangible needs here like food, water, and shelter. I am talking about my need for my Savior and His love, grace, and mercy and to be filled with the Holy Spirit, so that I can truly experience and give love. So thank you Jesus for my "just when you think" seasons.